How do I feel about this? I'm scared to death!!! I have had an extremely emotional day today filled with happiness, sadness, anxiety, uneasiness, relief. A wide array of emotions. I sit and think back on everything that has happened. I wonder if I'm ready for this step. If I'm strong enough to handle it. I wonder whether or not I'm ready. I think I was expecting them to call and tell me I have to wait longer. I wonder if it's something I should do. They are telling me it's my only option to a possible "normal" life. This call took me by surprise. I'm full of feelings I can't really explain. I keep telling myself not to give up the fight. I have so many people out there supporting me in so many ways. I keep praying that God will help me through this. I pray that he will sort out my emotions and come to a decision on what he wants for me. Please keep me in your prayers and ask God to help me through this. I know now why the transplant evaluation portion focuses a lot on your mental health. It's all starting to come together - a positive attitude is KEY to a transplant working and KEY to survival after. I'm really trying to stay positive and look at all of the good in this. At times it is extremely difficult.
So that was my morning. Josh came over in the afternoon to help Colin move some things. They took me to my osteomy appointment today at 2:30. They fitted me for a special bag that of course is expensive and is also denied by most insurance companies. So far the bag has been working today and I haven't had a leak. That's a positive for the day.
After my appointment Colin and Josh went to hang out and play golf. My Mom called and said she would pick me up and bring me down to her house for a little bit until Colin got home. At this point I was feeling extremely nauseous and having a lot of abdominal pain.
Around 7:00 I asked my Mom to take me home. She drove me home. I got out of the car and started vomiting. Not much was coming out except for foam. The spasms and pain were just getting worse. I sent Dr. Harborson a text to see what I should do. Colin wasn't home yet and my Mom didn't want to leave me home alone so she put me back in the car and took me back to her house. I laid in her bed and put a cold washcloth on my head. I started having a meltdown and was a sobbing mess. (Probably NOT helping my case at ALL). Mom brought Sparkles in to lay in bed with me and to try cheering me up :)
Colin called to say he was on his way back home around 8. He picked me up on his way home and I laid down on the couch. Colin went upstairs and got all of my TPN supplies together to hook up my iv. While he was hooking it up, Dr. Harborson sent a message telling us to go straight to the ER to make sure it's not an obstruction. Once again....we grabbed a bag, and went on to the hospital. The ER sent me back right away. Once I was back they did bloodwork and an obstruction series of X-rays. At this point the X-rays did not show an obstruction. The bloodwork still hasn't come back yet but it's looking like I am severely dehydrated again. While throwing up my guts inside are being jarred and spasming which is most likely the source of the pain. It's now close to midnight and we are still here. As you can see..Colin is exhausted.
And now we wait.....
I hope to get home tonight. I will try to update later this evening. If not, I will do it in the morning. So until then, sweet dreams!
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